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The Rain...

Oh my, I can’t believe it’s been almost 3 months since my last blog post but what a time it has been. I ended my last post stating it was about to be “on and poppin” and that it has been. I completed my training at the end of September, as well as a few weeks of testing to prepare to be released on the sales floor. As I progressed through each milestone, Nervous Nelly here noticed that it didn’t matter what I had just overcome, I always seemed to find another new thing to worry or stress about. For weeks, I continuously talked myself out of being stressed over the next family issue to deal with, or where I was going to be assigned with my new job, (as my 100 mile per day commute continued to weigh on me).

It didn’t seem to matter how much progress I knew I had made, my mind kept making up stuff to distract me emotionally. However, the more it happened, the more aware I became of that tendency, so I was able to deal with each issue in real time, shortening the length of my internal struggle. Eventually, I discovered that the common denominator in every situation was my obsessive belief that I had to think through every possible scenario in all situations to anticipate another solution, just in case God didn’t come through (aka do whatever I was hoping for).

All the while, God continued to challenge me, “Do you trust me?” The more I said yes, the more He revealed to me that my actions were contradicting my intentions, maybe not outwardly but in my head for sure. Around the same time, God also prompted me to emotionally take a step back from the kids. At the time, I thought it was to give them more space to spread their wings, but a part of me wanted to see if they loved me enough to call or check on me if I wasn’t the one reaching out to them. Regardless of my motives, days and eventually weeks passed, and it was VERY QUIET. My phone wasn’t ringing, nor pinging, and I became very sad. I even called my mother and cried saying “I don’t think they love me.”

LOL, it was as ridiculous as it sounded coming out of my mouth but again, I found myself in that quiet space where my imagination tended to run wild, BUT GOD had a better plan. Around that time, I picked back up on a sermon series by Pastor Mike Todd called “Cuffing Season”. I honestly thought I had conquered that control demon until I heard these latest messages, but I had not. I learned that I didn’t need to be organizing and/or managing their lives to still be covertly controlling our relationships by constantly texting and talking with them. I thought I was just staying in touch and supporting them, but the reality was I had wrapped so much of my identity in being a mother that I didn’t know how to function without feeling or being needed. While this may seem normal or reasonable to many mothers, it was devastating to me to realize that God was telling me to completely take my hands off my young adult children’s lives because I had made motherhood an “Idol” over my relationship with God.

What would that mean for me? Still in my feelings, I did just that. I stopped calling and there were no guilt trips when I didn’t hear from them and ironically, I started getting messages asking why I hadn’t called them. Eventually, that applied to my mother as well. God showed me that everyone was doing quite well without my involvement, so I was free to just focus on myself and what God had in store for me next.

Then BOOM… Literally, as soon as I let all that go, the floodgates opened in my life. When I surrendered where I would be assigned for work and said, “God I’ll be blessed wherever you send me,” I was assigned to an amazing opportunity that I didn’t even know was an option, just 12 miles from home. When I let go of my need to feel needed with the kids, I was receiving phone calls that lasted sometimes an hour at a time, just to chat and catch up, which was far more meaningful than it had ever been before. When I transitioned to my new worksite, I was given a sales goal of (1) new home in the month of November and God sold (6) houses in 3 weeks. Company leadership questioned me, shocked and amazed at what they were witnessing, and my answer remained consistent… “This is just the evidence of God keeping his promises to me. It makes no sense otherwise!”

SIDEBAR: Ya’ll the first house was sold the first 24 hrs on the sales floor and it was one year to the day that I surrendered and said “Yes” when God told me to change careers and go into real estate. You just can’t make this stuff up!

Even more than that, He continued to blow my mind by answering prayers almost as quickly as I stated them out loud. So much so that people around me noticed as well and commented, “you literally just said that, and it happened”. “I know, right?” I’d answer. “Now God is just showing off!”

Yep, I quickly had the revelation that the long awaited “Harvest Season” is finally here! Everything around me looks different. I catch myself crying, overwhelmed with gratitude over little things that I never noticed before. My prayers shifted from begging God over whatever I was struggling with to simply praising Him for His presence in every area of my life. Instead of questioning if God will do something for me, I wait with anticipation, believing that his promises are Yes and Amen.

I didn’t know this was actually possible, but IT IS! So much so, that as I bundled up to walk Jaxon last weekend in the rain, instead of speeding down the street praying he would hurry up and handle his business to rush back inside, I decided we were going to be the same level of wet, whether we were out there for 5 minutes or 20 minutes. It was in that moment that I stopped caring about getting wet and understood that every drop of rain that fell on my head was just a symbol of God’s love pouring down on me, exceedingly abundantly and above all I could ever ask, think or imagine! So, Jaxon and I frolicked in the rain for about 30 minutes that morning and it felt amazing!

Too often we look at the inconvenience and discomfort of rain, but it is also what nourishes the earth and gives life!

Take a little time to go outside and dance in the rain. It feels like a little taste of heaven!

Until next time…

Oh and one last thing... what I perceived as God taking something from that was important to me, i.e. my kids, He was really just making space in my life for His love to shine brightest, which as a bonus ended up improving my relationships with my kids. Go figure!



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