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My Last Nerve…

Greetings! Since my last post, a lot has happened. I have a college graduate. I won company and regional awards in new construction sales, and I was able to spend time with family and friends that I haven’t seen in several months, since I moved. I was experiencing blessings upon blessings!

However, many of these events occurred during the 50-day period between Easter (the resurrection) and the day the power of God through the Holy Spirit came upon the disciples, known as Pentecost. I observe the significance of this time every year, but this year felt different. I was challenged to lock in on a handful of prayer requests, one of which was freedom from all traces and effects of anxiety.

After having recently seen the documentary, “Get Out in Jesus Name”, I learned more specific things to pray when it comes to deliverance of stubborn spirits. As mentioned in previous blog posts, anxiety and panic attacks have been something that I’ve struggled with for as long as I can remember, I just didn’t know what to call it until recently.

My specific prayer included to be healed from all areas of fear in my life that produce anxiety and that impact all areas of my nervous system.

Sidebar: In the past year, I had been diagnosed with neuropathy and given permanent handicap designation due to the issues that I still deal with in both my legs and feet since my surgeries (gone wrong) several years ago. While I don’t believe for a second that this is the final say over the matter, I am confident that it is all connected emotionally, spiritually, and physically.  

So, I expected to experience some challenges and changes along the way. I felt like I should have been writing, not just blogging, but also making significant progress on my screenplay, but after I got started on the script, I hit a wall and couldn’t figure out why I couldn’t work through it. Art, mimics life, right?

So, here’s what happened. Every day, while I was faithfully praying over these concerns, I was simultaneously bracing myself for what I expected to be a stressful and uncomfortable interaction with family members I hadn’t seen in a long time. No matter the thoughts that consumed me, I woke up each day praying “today is a new day”. I knew I would be fine, but I must have been in denial that I wasn’t THAT fine. I’m probably making this out to sound like more than it was, but that’s what anxiety does…

I digress, so I was going on with my plans and decided to reach out to my neighbors to give them a heads up that I would be hosting a party and to be patient with noise and parking later that day. I sent a group text and continued with my to-do list.

Moments later, I opened my phone to find a derogatory and racist rant about me and one of my sons from one of my neighbors. She clearly did not intend to send that message to this group, but she did and just a few hours before I was to host 80+ guests for my son’s graduation party, a rush of rage sent tingling sensations and dizziness through my whole body. Luckily I was out running an errand when I saw it, but my hands were shaking so much, that I had to pull over.

My first thought was to respond with &#%^ but, knowing I had to deal with it or run the risk of it ruining the day of festivities, I responded by acknowledging what she said, and I took the high road saying, “nonetheless, thanks for your patience while we celebrate this milestone for my son”. I sat in a shopping center parking lot, paralyzed by my rage before calling my pastor to talk me through my emotions before returning home.

Among other things, she advised me not to tell my family what happened so we could enjoy the day, but she also said that I shouldn’t have given that neighbor the satisfaction of an emotional response. In the moment, that’s not what I wanted to hear because she deserved much worse, but it forced me to have to focus on my tendency to react vs. respond in stressful situations.

The point of sharing that story is that no matter how frustrating it was in the moment, God used that situation to expose that person to all our neighbors and I didn't have to do a thing. It showed me that except for that one, I have great neighbors that support and care about me, who even stepped up to defend me when it mattered. It reinforced that I am not only protected from harm wherever I go, but I have a village that prays for me and encourages me when I’m feeling weak, and last, my pastor was correct about resisting the urge to be reactive. Not because it wasn’t warranted, but because as a Christian, that is not a reflection of who God is in my life and that I am to pray for my enemies as much as I pray for those I love, whether I like it or not.

I did NOT want to hear the “Love thy Neighbor” speech on that day, but it continued to come back to me repeatedly over the past few weeks until I got it and that didn’t just apply to my next-door neighbor. It applied to the dreaded family interaction too!

Needless to say, I got through it all with grace and from the outside looking in, it appeared I had it all under control, but after everyone left and the dust settled, I came down with shingles. REALLY? Yes, shingles a very painful skin rash that impacts your central nervous system. You just can’t make this stuff up.

So, while I was stuck at home, trying my best to minimize the physical pain by taking medication, moving gingerly, and avoiding laying in certain positions, God showed me that this is the same way I have learned to navigate the discomfort/land mines of my anxiety. Yikes!

Instead of releasing my fears and trusting God to take care of me (no matter the issue) I still tend to put on a happy face, act like I’m fine and “get through it”. I continued to press down the anxiety to the point that it had no choice but to show up in my body so I can see and feel it until I decide to deal with it.

Well, I wish I could say that I’ve conquered it, but it’s still a work in progress thus the hesitation to write about it, but just in case someone else needed to hear this, I’m sharing it anyway.

In the meantime, I am continuing to pray for deliverance from anxiety and the consequential healing in my body, while working on loving my not so lovely neighbors, both literally and figuratively.

My challenge for you… are you listening to your body? If so, what’s it telling you and what are you going to do about it? As tensions continue to increase in the world around us socially, politically, and relationally, how well are you doing at loving your neighbor?

We’re in this together!

Until next time…




Hi, thanks for stopping by!

The purpose of this blog is to engage my readers/viewers in thought provoking and action inspiring conversations on various topics that impact our relationships and the world around us. It is not a platform for insults, nor arguments.  Your feedback and questions are always welcome, but unless purposeful to move the conversation along, will not be shared publicly. Thank you in advance for respecting this sacred space.

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