Just Keep Swimming...
I haven’t written in weeks because quite honestly, I wasn’t feeling inspired. I’d love to say that I have these quick, brilliant revelations to share on a weekly basis, but I have been going through a long dark hallway lately. As much as God continues to encourage me through it all, reminding me through sermons and friends that He keeps His promises and that there are great things on the other side of these trials, the enemy has been getting some jabs and upper cuts in when and how I’ve least expected them. I tell myself that I get to have 48 hours to be in my feelings about X, Y, Z but then I need to get over it and keep moving forward. However, that is so much easier said than done?
I’ve heard two seemingly conflicting messages during this period regarding the attention we give to our FEELINGS. On one hand, acknowledging your authentic feelings is the only way to heal from whatever issue you are facing. Yet, on the other hand, camping out in the space of how you FEEL can also be a distraction from where God is trying to take you. So where is the balance? Keep your eyes on the prize at the expense of your feelings, or stay in your feelings until the issue is fully resolved? I don’t have the answer and maybe it’s a combination of both, but if you know that the enemy’s purpose is to steal, kill and destroy, whether it be your relationships or God’s plan for your life, it makes sense that the best weapon of defense is to stay in God’s Word to keep you focused on what’s ahead so what you KNOW will override what you FEEL. I have not been good at that lately.
Among juggling many other things, I am halfway through the online course to take the real estate broker licensing exam and with my time sensitive job transition needs, I really need to have completed my licensing by the end of this month. When I look at my recent experiences from a bird’s eye perspective, it is obvious that the overwhelming number of things that have come at me lately are all distractions to completing that goal in the necessary timeframe. Yet, in my flesh, I cannot escape the overwhelming exhaustion that accompanies recent events. Those that know me, know that I ain't no punk... but I’ve had crying spells when I’m supposed to be working. My mind has been racing thinking about what I wanted to say or do in response to… So much so that while I’m studying, I read the same thing repeatedly and don’t have a clue what I just read. I've been so tired that it has paralyzed me from being productive or being able to see my way out of the latest issue. So instead, I’ve laid on the couch binge watching anything and everything that keeps me IN MY FEELINGS. Does any of that sound familiar to anyone?
However, this time, instead of writing a well thought out message, I've decided to write freely through the journey and see where it leads so here it goes... For weeks I’ve been begging God for answers, and I felt like He wasn’t speaking, but perhaps it was that I just wasn’t listening because of the “distractions”. Then yesterday on my walk, I heard in my spirit, “Just Keep Swimming”! I’ve watched Finding Nemo with my kids at least 100 times and the beloved Dori has short term memory loss. Wow, as I typed that, I just got chills. He is showing me in this very moment that Dori was able to keep her joy, through feeling lost and even in seemingly dangerous situations because of the gift of “short term memory loss”. She’d sing “just keep swimming” as she wandered through the ocean (the unknown) blindly trusting that everything would turn out okay because her memory loss didn’t allow her to be distracted by the past or even current events that may have just hurt her!
This is what the Lord is speaking to me as I write. “The enemy doesn’t have the power to control what you do, but he knows that I honor your free will, so he does his best to manipulate you into “doing” things that will take you outside of MY PERFECT WILL for you. The attacks are designed to keep you stuck in feelings of despair, shame, rejection, anger, etc. so that you forfeit your own blessings by being reactive and making poor decisions. Don’t be deceived! In this season develop "Devine" short term memory loss so you can stay focused on what’s ahead! You know what to do. Seek me to bring order to the chaos! Don’t stop writing when you feel stuck. That is my gift to you and how I speak when you are stuck in your feelings, demonstrated here! My grace is sufficient! It’s a marathon not a sprint! Trust Me! I love you!”
Okay… well after taking a moment to wipe the tears, I am overwhelmed by HIS presence. I wish I could describe it adequately, but I promise it feels much better than the negative feelings that I’ve been stuck in lately. I was never one to journal, but I’m learning that this is what that is. A few months ago, God said to write down everything because the little things that I think are insignificant will prove to be very significant. I can’t say that I’ve been totally obedient to that directive, but I will try harder to do so now.
Also, believe me when I say that I get reactive when I’m in pain and I hear, “that is JUST A DISTRACTION” by someone trying to pick me up. It feels like that totally negates the significance of my suffering, but what if the rest of that phrase is, “It’s a distraction from WHAT GOD HAS FOR YOU!” That completely changes the narrative and gives me the second, third and sometimes fourth wind that I need to just keep swimming!
This may feel to you like a disorganized rant, but it just gave me great clarity, so I am grateful! I told you, you were just coming along for the ride… Thank you Lord!
Until next time…
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