GPS redirecting...

Like many people, I’d like to know where I’m headed before I make the next move toward whatever that THING is. It’s a rational and very practical expectation, right? Well in this season of my life, I’m having to learn to take steps, okay leaps of faith into things that I know nothing about. In my last post, I talked about the disappointment that comes with disobedience. However, what does radical obedience look like in a world where being a control freak is not only the norm but is glorified in many cases?
“Take control of your life”, they say. “Do what you want, how you want to, when you want it!” That’s what winning looks like, right? Not so much! Not only did life break me down after decades of trying to live by those rules, but the devil has used people from my past to discourage me based on the mistakes of my past, intending for condemnation to keep me stuck in a state of counting losses or regrets, rather than counting my blessings.
Once I decided to move to Charlotte, I believed and still do believe that this was my journey into the promised land. This was my exodus, with the parting of the red sea and all. Leaving my bad memories and some toxic relationships far behind to be washed away in the sea. That all sounds great, doesn’t it? While that IS what happened to an extent, I forgot to keep reading to get to the part where the story said that the freedom or deliverance that the Israelites were pursuing, wasn’t a place or a destination but rather a change in how they thought or functioned. I distinctly remember feeling like I was going through hell for the months leading up to my departure as God revealed to me that He was not going to allow me to take my baggage with me and I was in the middle of a purge. #PackLight
Last Christmas, I received an apple watch as a gift, but I didn’t really start to use it until I moved. Little by little, I learned features of the watch, which included giving me directions to my destination through the GPS that was functioning from my phone. It was a very pleasant surprise the first time that I felt the vibration on my wrist as I approached the stop sign in my neighborhood to tell me which way to go next. I hadn’t made it out of the neighborhood before God said that He would use that tool to teach me to let myself be led without having to see the full map. “Sure, no problem. That’s easy! I can do that,” I thought. However, I don’t think I made it 5 miles before I needed to peak at my phone to see how much further I needed to travel, what my ETA was, as well as the route I would be taking. Had I been back in Virginia where I knew the area well, perhaps I wouldn’t have needed to default back to the map on my phone, but in this completely new surrounding I relied fully on my GPS to get everywhere I needed to go. I’ve been here 6 months and it’s still a challenge at times, but I am improving.
God used that exercise as well as reminding me of the one-time, years ago that my ex-husband and I took Latin ballroom dance lessons to show me that this was an area of weakness. I had a formal dance background, but he did not. As the instructor taught us the steps and the cadence of what we were to do, I got it down in my head, waited for him to hold me as instructed and I was ready to execute the moves flawlessly to the beat of the music. Let’s just say that it didn’t go great. When he forgot the steps, he just freestyled, and I was embarrassed that we didn’t look like all the other couples in the room. To make a long story short, I learned that day that neither of us were going to be on Dancing with the Stars anytime soon, but most importantly that I had trouble allowing myself to be led. That didn’t just apply to partner dancing, but in life. I was content to do the moves as I was taught and hoped that the other person would do the same. However, the point was that if I knew the moves, we could spontaneously move about with a strong lead to guide me with cues as to what to do next just before it was time to execute. That’s where the magic happens. Well, clearly there was no magic being made, however years later when I was asked to dance at a wedding reception with a man who was a strong lead, I had no clue what we were doing, but I followed his lead, and we had a blast. God said, “this is what if feels like to let me lead you.” I never forgot that feeling.
Fast forward to now in this season full of transition and I’m trying to stay obedient in what I am to do next in my career, relationships, ministry, parenting, etc. From the outside looking in, it may look like I’m getting the job done on all fronts, but on the inside, I feel very unstable, and I fell into the trap of analysis paralysis, meaning that I may not take a step at all in fear that it’s going to be the wrong one and that there will be a consequence for my disobedience. Ugh…
I’ve prayed and prayed and for whatever reason I still felt stuck, until I had a dream. Just a few nights ago, I dreamt that I was trying to see the big picture of something ahead of me, but I was standing near a body of water and a steppingstone raised up out of the water for me to step on. Once I took that one step, then another one appeared ahead, BUT after I took the one step forward the stone that was behind me disappeared back into the water. I woke up in the middle of the night too tired to sit up and write down what I saw in my dream but awake enough to ask God to explain what that meant.
His answer was simple. “I am keeping you on a need-to-know basis and I just want you to take the next right step. Nothing more, nothing less.” That really stuck with me. When I woke up the next morning, I started looking for images online that may represent what I saw, but then I was reminded of the part that the last stone that I stepped past disappeared as soon as my foot lifted off it. So, I went back again for clarity. Again, He simply answered, “Where I’m taking you, you can’t look back.” Sheesh, okay I was starting to get it.
I realized that my tendency to keep looking backwards at how things happened in my past (good or bad) to inform my future was not only unnecessary, but it has and would continue to hold me back and lead me astray. Ouch! God said, “When I asked you if you were ready to get out the boat, that meant that you needed to keep your eyes on Me for your direction, safety, provision and comfort, Peter!” And that’s all I have to say about THAT!
So now what? It’s probably time for me to just shut up and pay attention so I don’t miss my next right move. It doesn’t have to be a huge walk on water type of move. It just means to be open to what’s ahead looking like nothing I’ve ever seen or done in the past and still be willing to say “Yes” even if I don’t know what the outcome is going to be. I’m not going to lie, that is scary for me, but what I do know is that God has always proven to be gracious and merciful when I mess up and He is consistent in exceeding my expectations when I do it His way and not my own.
We’re on this journey together, so let’s see how it goes! G.P.S. God's Positioning System
Until next time…
Comments